In all Its Forms
Let me say now that the friends I am lucky enough to have around me are amazing and I would do anything for them. I love them with all my heart and I know they love me. We have been through so much together and have earned that trust and love in each other. The bonds that hold us together are stronger because of the experiences we have shared and that makes the ties damn near unbreakable. I know they will be a part of my life until the day I die.
But that said, sometimes you meet special people in your trek through this life. Something about them just speaks to you and there is a connection that is hard to explain. It isn’t lust, but it is a definite attraction, a love at first site that isn’t necessarily the stars-in-your-eyes-forever kind of love. You just know you care about them incredibly, and for no real tangible reason. And that feeling is unconditional because that is what they seem to need from you so desperately. It isn’t spoken, but felt. That lost, empty spot you feel when you look into their eyes. You know you can’t make it better, but you can provide a safe place for them to just be. That no matter what they do you will be there should they need you. I suppose it’s like finding an orphaned animal in a lot of ways. You know you will love them no matter what, and a part of you falls in love.
The hard part is that it hurts so much to do. You open yourself up and take what they give you: The good and the bad, and ask nothing of them. They can and do tell you anything, and somehow it always ends up breaking your heart even though you knew this was the way it would be. You are honored that they feel free and safe with you, but then are crushed by the things they confide in you. And you try hard to swallow it and be supportive, when all you want to do is hide. But for some self destructive reason you can’t give up and you have to see it through. You smile and make jokes, pretend things don’t hurt, pretend you are strong and not dying a little inside.
I’ve always thought those painful moments happened because that person felt they could relate anything without fear of judgment, but today another thought came to me. Maybe it is a test. Maybe they are testing to see if you really do care for them unconditionally, or if you are just giving it lip service. Perhaps they are waiting for you to break, to prove that they were right all along and no one really cares unconditionally, that everyone has an agenda.
I don’t know, and I guess it doesn’t really matter. I just keep taking the punches because it feels like the right thing to do. Like holding up the struggling swimmer while drowning yourself. You just can’t let them go until they can make it on their own and be safe, happy even. It makes you look like a fool, and feel like one too, but still you press on and keep hitting your head against that wall. Why? Because you know if you can help them find whatever it is that is missing, maybe even prove to them that there is love in this world and it is worth the risk of hurt, then you’ve added a little more joy to this world. And when they are gone you feel sad and miss that closeness and instant trust…but at the same time that part of you that is bruised and bloodied is happy it will have time to heal.
And then you look at those people who love you the most. The ones that listened to you endlessly when you had to vent your hurt. And you hope they understand why you let this happen, and how much they mean to you, how appreciated they are. And then you just sleep for a while because you are bone weary, and you dream of arms that will hold you and love you unconditionally, for all the right reasons. Someone who will find you as precious as you find them.
Ah love in all its forms…it frustrates, hurts, heals, excels, consumes and completes. It is our cross to bear and our privilege to carry. And I think that is the best part of our humanity: Our capacity to continue to love.
But that said, sometimes you meet special people in your trek through this life. Something about them just speaks to you and there is a connection that is hard to explain. It isn’t lust, but it is a definite attraction, a love at first site that isn’t necessarily the stars-in-your-eyes-forever kind of love. You just know you care about them incredibly, and for no real tangible reason. And that feeling is unconditional because that is what they seem to need from you so desperately. It isn’t spoken, but felt. That lost, empty spot you feel when you look into their eyes. You know you can’t make it better, but you can provide a safe place for them to just be. That no matter what they do you will be there should they need you. I suppose it’s like finding an orphaned animal in a lot of ways. You know you will love them no matter what, and a part of you falls in love.
The hard part is that it hurts so much to do. You open yourself up and take what they give you: The good and the bad, and ask nothing of them. They can and do tell you anything, and somehow it always ends up breaking your heart even though you knew this was the way it would be. You are honored that they feel free and safe with you, but then are crushed by the things they confide in you. And you try hard to swallow it and be supportive, when all you want to do is hide. But for some self destructive reason you can’t give up and you have to see it through. You smile and make jokes, pretend things don’t hurt, pretend you are strong and not dying a little inside.
I’ve always thought those painful moments happened because that person felt they could relate anything without fear of judgment, but today another thought came to me. Maybe it is a test. Maybe they are testing to see if you really do care for them unconditionally, or if you are just giving it lip service. Perhaps they are waiting for you to break, to prove that they were right all along and no one really cares unconditionally, that everyone has an agenda.
I don’t know, and I guess it doesn’t really matter. I just keep taking the punches because it feels like the right thing to do. Like holding up the struggling swimmer while drowning yourself. You just can’t let them go until they can make it on their own and be safe, happy even. It makes you look like a fool, and feel like one too, but still you press on and keep hitting your head against that wall. Why? Because you know if you can help them find whatever it is that is missing, maybe even prove to them that there is love in this world and it is worth the risk of hurt, then you’ve added a little more joy to this world. And when they are gone you feel sad and miss that closeness and instant trust…but at the same time that part of you that is bruised and bloodied is happy it will have time to heal.
And then you look at those people who love you the most. The ones that listened to you endlessly when you had to vent your hurt. And you hope they understand why you let this happen, and how much they mean to you, how appreciated they are. And then you just sleep for a while because you are bone weary, and you dream of arms that will hold you and love you unconditionally, for all the right reasons. Someone who will find you as precious as you find them.
Ah love in all its forms…it frustrates, hurts, heals, excels, consumes and completes. It is our cross to bear and our privilege to carry. And I think that is the best part of our humanity: Our capacity to continue to love.
posted by Liz @ 9:18 AM
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