On Kindness and Caring
I had dinner last night with a friend I have the pleasure of also working with. We traded stories and aggravations and enjoyed a nice meal with good company. On the ride home she called to warn me about a traffic issue she had just hit that would affect me as well, and I remarked to myself how thoughtful that was. She is a very kind person, nice in fact. Then I pondered a phrase I've heard a few times in the past month: You're too nice.
The more I thought about it the more cranky I got. "Nice" and "kind" are words that we hear describing people less and less these days, and that is sad. A few weeks ago I was told I was too nice by a new acquaintance because I made time to hang out with a friend who just watched her girlfriend leave for the west coast for a year. How is that too nice? How is spending time with someone you care about, someone who not only would, but has done the same for you too nice? Isn't that practically the definition of friendship? His rebottle was that his friends were grown ups, mine was that he was heartless. Needless to say "acquaintance" didn't progress to anything else.
Kindness may not always be rewarded, but it is never a mistake. Taking 5 minutes out of your life to humor a stranger does you no harm and probably makes their day. Caring makes you human. And yes, there will be times when you get hurt because you open yourself up to someone, maybe you care too much or not in proportion to them, but it isn't the worst thing in the world. Imagine the emptiness of going through life without caring or being cared for? Of having no one to listen to your troubles or share your joys?
That's right, joys. Caring isn't just about listening to someone when they are down, it's also sharing in their excitement when great things happen. A hurt is so much more painful when there is no one to tell how you are feeling, but a joy is magnified when you share it with a friend who is just as happy for you as you are.
I took a friend and her 5 month old daughter grocery shopping on Saturday. Later that night another friend said, "Wow, that was really nice of you." I guess it was, but I did it because we were out having lunch and enjoying catching up and she mentioned she needed to go, would I mind? Of course not! We wandered around the store making faces at the baby and continuing our conversation. It was just another part of our getting together, but in retrospect it helped her out a lot. So yes, it was a kindness, but it wasn't like I didn't have a lot of fun doing it.
Maybe if the people who spout the "too nice" mantra realized that it isn't a selfless act in the long run they would stop saying it. Maybe they aren't fortunate enough to have been shown that kindness and have people in their lives that care that much or that they care about. That is a shame. And maybe if there were more unconditional kindness in the world there would be less mistrust and violence.
Yes, I know it sounds naive and impractical, but it is good to have dreams...they give us hope. Kindness isn't always easy and caring can get you hurt, but, speaking as someone who's been run over a few times in this life, it is always worth it. Regrets are a waste of time, and if you take a moment and look at the past you can see where your actions made you stronger. It may not have turned out the way you hoped, but it probably turned out for the best. It makes you a better, kinder person because now you have empathy.
The more I thought about it the more cranky I got. "Nice" and "kind" are words that we hear describing people less and less these days, and that is sad. A few weeks ago I was told I was too nice by a new acquaintance because I made time to hang out with a friend who just watched her girlfriend leave for the west coast for a year. How is that too nice? How is spending time with someone you care about, someone who not only would, but has done the same for you too nice? Isn't that practically the definition of friendship? His rebottle was that his friends were grown ups, mine was that he was heartless. Needless to say "acquaintance" didn't progress to anything else.
Kindness may not always be rewarded, but it is never a mistake. Taking 5 minutes out of your life to humor a stranger does you no harm and probably makes their day. Caring makes you human. And yes, there will be times when you get hurt because you open yourself up to someone, maybe you care too much or not in proportion to them, but it isn't the worst thing in the world. Imagine the emptiness of going through life without caring or being cared for? Of having no one to listen to your troubles or share your joys?
That's right, joys. Caring isn't just about listening to someone when they are down, it's also sharing in their excitement when great things happen. A hurt is so much more painful when there is no one to tell how you are feeling, but a joy is magnified when you share it with a friend who is just as happy for you as you are.
I took a friend and her 5 month old daughter grocery shopping on Saturday. Later that night another friend said, "Wow, that was really nice of you." I guess it was, but I did it because we were out having lunch and enjoying catching up and she mentioned she needed to go, would I mind? Of course not! We wandered around the store making faces at the baby and continuing our conversation. It was just another part of our getting together, but in retrospect it helped her out a lot. So yes, it was a kindness, but it wasn't like I didn't have a lot of fun doing it.
Maybe if the people who spout the "too nice" mantra realized that it isn't a selfless act in the long run they would stop saying it. Maybe they aren't fortunate enough to have been shown that kindness and have people in their lives that care that much or that they care about. That is a shame. And maybe if there were more unconditional kindness in the world there would be less mistrust and violence.
Yes, I know it sounds naive and impractical, but it is good to have dreams...they give us hope. Kindness isn't always easy and caring can get you hurt, but, speaking as someone who's been run over a few times in this life, it is always worth it. Regrets are a waste of time, and if you take a moment and look at the past you can see where your actions made you stronger. It may not have turned out the way you hoped, but it probably turned out for the best. It makes you a better, kinder person because now you have empathy.
posted by Liz @ 8:41 AM
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