Titles and Entitlement
Yesterday I got an e-mail from my ex-husband. A mass mailing as he is want to do, usually updating everyone in his address book about how he's doing. Not a biggie. The marriage is long over and as time goes on I learn more and more that it really wasn't fated to last on either side. Learn, forgive, move on. I would not call us friends, perhaps acquaintances that used to be close but are now congenial when circumstances bring us together.
That said, this e-mail was about a new endeavor of his. A theatrical/artistic happening as it were that will take place next year. A happening that needs funding. He was asking those on the list to consider donating the small sum of $1 to help with production costs.
I was irritated by this. Not because he asked or because I thought he was up to something dishonest, but because he included me, asked me. I am his ex-wife. That is my title. Not buddy, friend, or ex-girlfriend. I have fought my baser nature not to be the stereotypical ex-wife, but in this case I wish he'd gone with it. Part of me feels it shouldn't bother me, but it does.
I think it is because he still feels entitled to call me friend. Friends do not go through a divorce and come out the other side like nothing happened. It isn't that I'm waiting for an apology or anything, it isn't necessary. Things have happened over the course of time and nothing can change that. It isn't an anger thing, just a fact. The marriage ended and so did the friendship. Too much water under too small a bridge I suppose. One he keeps trying to skip over like nothing happened. Even my memory is not that bad.
But there really isn't a way to impart this information in a gentle way I haven't already tried, nor do I feel the need to be a harpy about it. So I'll vent a little here then wish him well.
But he isn't getting my $1.
Pthbbbb!
That said, this e-mail was about a new endeavor of his. A theatrical/artistic happening as it were that will take place next year. A happening that needs funding. He was asking those on the list to consider donating the small sum of $1 to help with production costs.
I was irritated by this. Not because he asked or because I thought he was up to something dishonest, but because he included me, asked me. I am his ex-wife. That is my title. Not buddy, friend, or ex-girlfriend. I have fought my baser nature not to be the stereotypical ex-wife, but in this case I wish he'd gone with it. Part of me feels it shouldn't bother me, but it does.
I think it is because he still feels entitled to call me friend. Friends do not go through a divorce and come out the other side like nothing happened. It isn't that I'm waiting for an apology or anything, it isn't necessary. Things have happened over the course of time and nothing can change that. It isn't an anger thing, just a fact. The marriage ended and so did the friendship. Too much water under too small a bridge I suppose. One he keeps trying to skip over like nothing happened. Even my memory is not that bad.
But there really isn't a way to impart this information in a gentle way I haven't already tried, nor do I feel the need to be a harpy about it. So I'll vent a little here then wish him well.
But he isn't getting my $1.
Pthbbbb!
posted by Liz @ 1:31 PM
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