Happiness

Something really nice happened last night. Monie and I went to see The Illusionist, which we both highly recommend. It was a fantastic movie with a great story and beautiful costuming. And of course my choice of companion for the evening was wonderful, as always.

But something really great happened while I was watching this interesting love story...I enjoyed it. For the first time in over a year it didn't make me sad to watch two people in love. I didn't sit there in the dark wondering if I really believed I could have that again. Sure, I've been dating and I've enjoyed their company, but the feeling hasn't even approached that which I feel for my friends, much less a romantic love. I had started to settle into the idea that I would just find situations that I enjoyed, people that were fun...but that were always lacking something. Perhaps it was substance they lacked, or my exhaustion at the idea of investing myself in someone, or a combination. So I would watch these star crossed-lovers on the movie screen, my heart would be heavy and I'd want to turn away and cry (which happened a lot for a while there) no matter how happy the story.

But not last night. Last night I was right there with the characters, rooting for them and believing they could overcome. It was like breathing again.

Human beings have an infinite capacity to love, and in many different ways. I guess sometimes it just takes a bit to come fully back to life after you've been very hurt. I suppose it takes hope and confidence. Hope that you will love again, and the confidence in yourself to know that if you get hurt again, well it won't be the end of the world and love will come around once more.

The human mind, heart and soul are such complicated creatures...and they never seem to agree on anything! But then, it does keep life interesting...