Magic 8 Ball
What? You didn't know the human body can be used as a Magic 8 Ball? Neither did I. Allow me to spin you a tale...
Short back story...I've lost 45 lbs (whoo hoo). My skin is beyond dry and there are some odd red spots that pop up (boo). My doctor and dermatologist haven't found a cause. After talking to a few other folks who've lost a chunk of weight and my own suspicions I decided that perhaps there was a nutritional component I was missing. To me this seemed to become a problem when the weight started coming off, I could be wrong or that might just be when I noticed it, but there is an association in my mind. So what is an intelligent girl with good health insurance going to do? She is going to find a nutritionist covered by her PPO and make an appointment!
There was one nutritionist listed within 15 miles of me. I checked out her website, she was also a chiropractor. Okay. The appointment was yesterday. Want to test how open minded you are about holistic medicine? Look up "Applied Kinesiology" and "Body Talk". Go ahead, I'll wait. Keep in mind, I did this AFTER the appointment because these words are nowhere on the doc's website.
I have an appointment at 11:15. I arrive about 11:10, 4 page self assessment filled out as requested and I brought copies of my last blood work and my food diary for August because those seemed like they should be handy. The office...it was a house in the middle of nowhere. OK, no biggie. They were running behind so I didn't do anything but read for half an hour. Then the assistant (not a nurse, she told me she never would have made it through nursing school because she couldn't do blood pressure without the machine...which wasn't working at that time) then did a bunch of chiropractic evaluations with me. I pointed out I was here for nutritional counseling, but apparently everyone gets the chiropractic evaluation. I should mention that the 4 page self assessment did not come with me into the exam room, neither was it ever referenced during the visit.
Soon the "Dr." came in. There is an episode of Two and a Half Men where a woman shakes Alan's hand (he's a chiropractor) and comments on the firm grip. His response is that people don't trust a chiropractor with a limp handshake. Those words rang through my mind as I received a very weak handshake. Did not bode well.
She had me lay down and proceeded to lift my right arm, hold my wrist and poke at various parts of my torso while muttering to herself. She then explained that she could ask my body any yes or no question she liked and it would answer her. That was good, because she hadn't asked me any questions so I certainly couldn't answer any. There was more arm shaking, poking and muttering. I heard the words "parasite", "cyst" and "mercury". All this time I am laying there wondering if I'm just being closed minded.
She then tells me she needs a drop of blood. I think, "Oh goody! Science!" Nope. She needed to place a drop of my blood on my skin so my body could better recognize the issues. Ooookaaay, I'm not that open minded.
After the blood and more shaking of the arm she patted me on the head, then the chest and began muttering into my hand again. It seems you tap the head to get the brain to change what it's doing, then the chest to tell the heart there has been a change which it is then to tell the rest of the body. After 2 rounds of this she triumphantly announced "Pine-Sol". Did I use it? No. What about work? No. Curious.
At then end of what felt like a disappointing Voodoo ritual she tells me (that my body has told her) I have tiny cysts that have formed around mercury deposits probably from my dental work (I have subsequently learned how unlikely this would be) and parasites. Both of these an MD would be unable to locate as they are too small. Right. She gave me a list of supplements to take in doses that are impressive and was happy to send me on my way. I had questions. What about my skin? You know, the reason I'm here? Oh, try treating with wheat germ oil...no wait, sesame oil. Did she want to look at my food diary? She checked the last day and said it looked fine. Reassuring. No questions about exercise or goals. No comment about lifestyle or weight. Perhaps my body already told her.
She did tell me one thing that confirmed a suspicion of mine thought. She said as I lost weight my liver was having to deal with filtering out stored toxins and was over worked. Because it was over worked it wasn't processing oils like it normally would, so it was only making sure oil was getting to important things like my brain and the skin was suffering for it. My blood work does show that my liver is performing slightly below normal for me (but well within the normal range in general), so perhaps there is something to that (she did look at my blood work.
So now I'm looking for a REAL nutritionist and I've sent a note to the insurance company. It makes a great story for $20, but that's about it. I did get to tell a coworker he was wrong today...you can reboot a person. Just tap them on the head. Heck, do it hard enough you can wipe the hard drive!
Short back story...I've lost 45 lbs (whoo hoo). My skin is beyond dry and there are some odd red spots that pop up (boo). My doctor and dermatologist haven't found a cause. After talking to a few other folks who've lost a chunk of weight and my own suspicions I decided that perhaps there was a nutritional component I was missing. To me this seemed to become a problem when the weight started coming off, I could be wrong or that might just be when I noticed it, but there is an association in my mind. So what is an intelligent girl with good health insurance going to do? She is going to find a nutritionist covered by her PPO and make an appointment!
There was one nutritionist listed within 15 miles of me. I checked out her website, she was also a chiropractor. Okay. The appointment was yesterday. Want to test how open minded you are about holistic medicine? Look up "Applied Kinesiology" and "Body Talk". Go ahead, I'll wait. Keep in mind, I did this AFTER the appointment because these words are nowhere on the doc's website.
I have an appointment at 11:15. I arrive about 11:10, 4 page self assessment filled out as requested and I brought copies of my last blood work and my food diary for August because those seemed like they should be handy. The office...it was a house in the middle of nowhere. OK, no biggie. They were running behind so I didn't do anything but read for half an hour. Then the assistant (not a nurse, she told me she never would have made it through nursing school because she couldn't do blood pressure without the machine...which wasn't working at that time) then did a bunch of chiropractic evaluations with me. I pointed out I was here for nutritional counseling, but apparently everyone gets the chiropractic evaluation. I should mention that the 4 page self assessment did not come with me into the exam room, neither was it ever referenced during the visit.
Soon the "Dr." came in. There is an episode of Two and a Half Men where a woman shakes Alan's hand (he's a chiropractor) and comments on the firm grip. His response is that people don't trust a chiropractor with a limp handshake. Those words rang through my mind as I received a very weak handshake. Did not bode well.
She had me lay down and proceeded to lift my right arm, hold my wrist and poke at various parts of my torso while muttering to herself. She then explained that she could ask my body any yes or no question she liked and it would answer her. That was good, because she hadn't asked me any questions so I certainly couldn't answer any. There was more arm shaking, poking and muttering. I heard the words "parasite", "cyst" and "mercury". All this time I am laying there wondering if I'm just being closed minded.
She then tells me she needs a drop of blood. I think, "Oh goody! Science!" Nope. She needed to place a drop of my blood on my skin so my body could better recognize the issues. Ooookaaay, I'm not that open minded.
After the blood and more shaking of the arm she patted me on the head, then the chest and began muttering into my hand again. It seems you tap the head to get the brain to change what it's doing, then the chest to tell the heart there has been a change which it is then to tell the rest of the body. After 2 rounds of this she triumphantly announced "Pine-Sol". Did I use it? No. What about work? No. Curious.
At then end of what felt like a disappointing Voodoo ritual she tells me (that my body has told her) I have tiny cysts that have formed around mercury deposits probably from my dental work (I have subsequently learned how unlikely this would be) and parasites. Both of these an MD would be unable to locate as they are too small. Right. She gave me a list of supplements to take in doses that are impressive and was happy to send me on my way. I had questions. What about my skin? You know, the reason I'm here? Oh, try treating with wheat germ oil...no wait, sesame oil. Did she want to look at my food diary? She checked the last day and said it looked fine. Reassuring. No questions about exercise or goals. No comment about lifestyle or weight. Perhaps my body already told her.
She did tell me one thing that confirmed a suspicion of mine thought. She said as I lost weight my liver was having to deal with filtering out stored toxins and was over worked. Because it was over worked it wasn't processing oils like it normally would, so it was only making sure oil was getting to important things like my brain and the skin was suffering for it. My blood work does show that my liver is performing slightly below normal for me (but well within the normal range in general), so perhaps there is something to that (she did look at my blood work.
So now I'm looking for a REAL nutritionist and I've sent a note to the insurance company. It makes a great story for $20, but that's about it. I did get to tell a coworker he was wrong today...you can reboot a person. Just tap them on the head. Heck, do it hard enough you can wipe the hard drive!
posted by Liz @ 3:23 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home