Hanging my Head in Shame

Monie sent me an interesting, if disturbing article this morning: Welcome to the Equal Rites Awards by Ellen Goodman (article ). It is basically acknowledging those who have yet to realize that women are capable, equal and worthy of respect-and yes, some of the recipients are women. We can be our own worst enemies.

And this brings me to my shame of the day. I gave into those lovable harpies Clinton and Stacy on What Not to Wear and indulged my inner fashion cow today. I had a client coming in so I shrugged off the usual jeans and t-shirt that is my uniform at work and dressed a bit more fashionably. Why is this shameful? I am wearing a corset. A tasteful corset, but a corset none the less. With the blazer I cut a dashing figure, but I miss breathing. I really miss breathing. Perhaps if I wasn’t as “gifted” above the waist it would be better. Who knows?

Right now I wish my little fashionistas were here with their “style can be comfortable” mantra. I want to see either of them wear this Chinese finger trap and be comfortable…I wonder if I can get away with just buttoning up the blazer for the rest of the day…

Politics Once Again Provides A Great Sound Bite

Senator Robert Menendez (D, NJ) had this to say about his opponent Tom Kean Jr. who has been one of many voices criticizing his ethics:

"If you are going to hold yourself up on a white stallion, then you'd better be riding a while stallion, not a gray Shetland pony. And I believe Tom Kean Jr., at best, is riding a gray Shetland pony..."

Am I the only one that can see this coming out of Bob Dole? I just love the image of a grown man in an oh so serious suit astride a pony. Or maybe it is the Don Quixote-esqu delusion that it is actually a horse, which would leave Kean in need of a Sancho Panza.

I like that...I think all politicians should have ponies and sidekicks with that put upon look. Who knows, it might keep them out of trouble.

Ouchie

Today I was bitten by a puppet. Granted it was a man-eating puppet, but I still should not be limping. And how do I punish an inanimate object? Smack it on the nose with a rolled up newspaper? Refuse to fabreeze it the next time it comes back from a gig?

The absurdity of my job never ceases to entertain me!

On Kindness and Caring

I had dinner last night with a friend I have the pleasure of also working with. We traded stories and aggravations and enjoyed a nice meal with good company. On the ride home she called to warn me about a traffic issue she had just hit that would affect me as well, and I remarked to myself how thoughtful that was. She is a very kind person, nice in fact. Then I pondered a phrase I've heard a few times in the past month: You're too nice.

The more I thought about it the more cranky I got. "Nice" and "kind" are words that we hear describing people less and less these days, and that is sad. A few weeks ago I was told I was too nice by a new acquaintance because I made time to hang out with a friend who just watched her girlfriend leave for the west coast for a year. How is that too nice? How is spending time with someone you care about, someone who not only would, but has done the same for you too nice? Isn't that practically the definition of friendship? His rebottle was that his friends were grown ups, mine was that he was heartless. Needless to say "acquaintance" didn't progress to anything else.

Kindness may not always be rewarded, but it is never a mistake. Taking 5 minutes out of your life to humor a stranger does you no harm and probably makes their day. Caring makes you human. And yes, there will be times when you get hurt because you open yourself up to someone, maybe you care too much or not in proportion to them, but it isn't the worst thing in the world. Imagine the emptiness of going through life without caring or being cared for? Of having no one to listen to your troubles or share your joys?

That's right, joys. Caring isn't just about listening to someone when they are down, it's also sharing in their excitement when great things happen. A hurt is so much more painful when there is no one to tell how you are feeling, but a joy is magnified when you share it with a friend who is just as happy for you as you are.

I took a friend and her 5 month old daughter grocery shopping on Saturday. Later that night another friend said, "Wow, that was really nice of you." I guess it was, but I did it because we were out having lunch and enjoying catching up and she mentioned she needed to go, would I mind? Of course not! We wandered around the store making faces at the baby and continuing our conversation. It was just another part of our getting together, but in retrospect it helped her out a lot. So yes, it was a kindness, but it wasn't like I didn't have a lot of fun doing it.

Maybe if the people who spout the "too nice" mantra realized that it isn't a selfless act in the long run they would stop saying it. Maybe they aren't fortunate enough to have been shown that kindness and have people in their lives that care that much or that they care about. That is a shame. And maybe if there were more unconditional kindness in the world there would be less mistrust and violence.

Yes, I know it sounds naive and impractical, but it is good to have dreams...they give us hope. Kindness isn't always easy and caring can get you hurt, but, speaking as someone who's been run over a few times in this life, it is always worth it. Regrets are a waste of time, and if you take a moment and look at the past you can see where your actions made you stronger. It may not have turned out the way you hoped, but it probably turned out for the best. It makes you a better, kinder person because now you have empathy.

And they say girls are complicated...

Okay, I don't want to hear any more complaints about girls being impossible to figure out...you guys out there have apparently caught up on the random curve. Here are a few examples:

1) Guy A and I break up a month ago. Three weeks ago he called to say he had great news, I sent him an instant message asking for details then called when I didn't here back. End of story, yes? We haven't talked since, didn't feel the need. Yesterday he responded to the instant message and answered the question again. Why? If he wanted to talk to me wouldn't it have made more sense to just send a new message? Now he looks like a goober.

2) Guy B was a complete ass. After a few conversations he got very pushy and I don't take well to that, so I let things fade. He popped up again very angry because I was "immature and fake". Okay, I say, then good luck to you. A few days later he's asking if I want to get together...um no, I'm immature and fake remember? That little bit of sarcasm didn't go over well. He got very threatening and verbally nasty on what was becoming a theme. I told him I was sorry if he felt that way, but he was entitled to his opinion. His response? Well, don't do it again, there are consequences...what are you doing tonight? Now I'm thinking the pot has caused brain damage. This is when I reported him to the moderator and blocked his e-mail. This was earlier in the summer.

Yesterday a text message from a familiar yet unidentified number...him. Recap: I am fake, immature and apparently a bitch, why do you want to talk to me if I am so horrible? Definitely don't get that one. Best guess is that it is some sort of macho thing that he wants to be the one to break contact...or he really is brain damaged. I asked once, but never got an answer...

I feel those are 2 shining examples of guys just being absurd. While I can guess at the motivation I don't really comprehend it. Guy A looks foolish and Guy B looks insane, I'm not sure what they thought they were going to gain.

But in all fairness I must also present one guy who didn't follow the expected pattern. Guy C was told point blank that I was getting attached and much to my surprise did not fall off the face of the earth or pretend it never happened. To his credit he is even the one who broached the subject when the opportunity came up and we managed to untangle some misconceptions. Go you Guy C! Not only did you brave the "feelings" conversation but you proved that communication can improve things! If you were here I'd buy you a beer...maybe even a Coors Lite if I could supress the shudder.

Ducks Playing Golf

Who wants to sit inside on a Saturday night? Not I, said the little black duck, so Monie and I made plans with Clan Lester for a visit. Greg prepared a yummy build your own burrito dinner and we all got to catch up on each other's lives and be constantly entertained by Julia Rose who is now a little over a year old. After dishes were done we decided to take Julia Rose mini golfing so Aly could get a little work done...when we left she was getting herself wired on coffee.

Greg, Monie and I headed to Hilltop Mini Golf where it seemed we were the only ones who had no fear of the impending rain. Around hole 3 Greg gave up on golfing and concentrated on keeping Julia out of harms way. She made an adorable obstacle though, much more challenging than any windmill. The goal became "Hit the ball before Julia grabs it" and there was much dancing and silliness as we entertained and were entertained by the littlest golfer. No score was kept, but I think it is safe to say we were all feeling pretty good as we headed for home after ice cream.

As luck would have it I had already made plans for mini golf on Sunday before we decided on the Saturday excursion, but you can never have too much mini golf! Naturally it was raining...but my golfing companion was up for a game of Puddle Golf so we went on to splash through 18 holes, every one a water hazard...it was great. Again, just fun and easy laughter, like it should be. A nice lunch to dry off afterward and I was ready for dry clothes and a nap.

A silly and wonderful weekend.

Signs of Aging

So today I was confronted with my adulthood. Today was triple coupon day at Giant, a cause for great excitment in my house. Yeah, it sounds sad, I know, but it really does save money-in this case about $34. Not bad. But the adult moment was while my cashier was figuring out my coupons. I actually watched as he scrolled through my purchases to find something, and noticed I'd been charged twice for something. Of course I brought it to his attention and he voided the extra sale. The oddness of the moment was watching the over rouged 60 something woman in line behind me roll her eyes as the cashier took off my coupons, and the exasperated sigh when I had him fix the overcharge. I would have expected that attitude from someone younger, not a grandmother.

But that's when it hit me, I am older, but not old. And as this woman illistrated, age and maturity do not go hand in hand. So I'd rather be a mature 32 than a childish 60 year old. But don't get me wrong, I still plan on being very silly at 60.

Amusing myself

I want to make this into a flash card that I can use when talking to annoying people. I think it is a little more entertaining for the people around me than just nodding and smiling...and the dating applications are infinite!

The Danger of Target

After spending an hour or so at the rabbit shelter last night (I help feed on Tuesday, lots of cute, fuzzy fun) I decided it was time to break out the gift card that Clan Hoag so generously gave me for my birthday...

As an aside, this particular gift card also holds bubble solution and a bubble wand...hee hee

...anyhow, I headed for Target where I intended to get a shower curtain liner. You don't need a cart for a shower curtain liner (cue foreboding music here). On my way to the bath isle I passed picture frames. "Well," I said to no one in particular, "I do need some frames and these are on clearance..." So, now carrying 3 picture frames I headed toward the bath isle again. But I had to pass pillows.

"Hm..." I think. "I've been wanting one of those husband-pillows for a while now, I wonder if they will have one to match my bedroom?" Of course they did! And it's all soft and squishy too. Now I have 3 picture frames and an arm full of pillow. To the bath isle! Easy enough to find one plain Jane shower curtain liner...ooooh but they have shelves, that reminds me! I have this annoying space in my bedroom that is screaming for interesting shelves.

I then spend 1/2 and hour wandering around the store trying not to drop the items I have acquired while trying to think where they would logically put shelves. Logic is where I made the wrong turn. Shelving in Target is scattered throughout the store like Easter eggs. But I did find these really neat octagonal shelves...in the picture frame area. Why? No clue, and at that point I wasn't about to ask questions. My arms were tired, everything kept slipping, and this is when I gave in and decided that, yes, I needed a cart.

So I wandered to the front of the store, staked a claim on a rolling mule of a cart and headed back to frames for my shelves (see? It even sounds silly). I managed to run over my own feet twice and knock over a display because apparently my cart had called it a night and was quite grumpy about having to work. The only means of civil disobedience left to it was to refuse to move in anything close to a straight line, and it excelled at this. Finally loaded with goodies I fought my way to the check out where I spied a young man looking hopelessly bored and made him ring up my bootie.

And that my friends is how I went to Target to by a $2.34 shower curtain liner and spent $68.89...but at least I remembered to get the liner!

Ha! The True Monday!

Success! It is indeed a Monday today! Nothing blew up, no apostrophes disappeared and my blackberry yogurt did in fact taste like blackberries! And for those of you who are dying to know...no, the spinach and ricotta ravioli didn't taste like blueberry waffles. Happiness!

So last evening was actually uneventful, as the Tuesday Monster tends to tire itself out by 6 or so. I made dinner, checked on the troops and was happy to catch up with Jill. There is an amazing little getateria around the corner from her apartment in Ambler, Toto's Gelateria & Caffe, which I can't say enough good things about. Anyhow, aside from sinfully good gelati they also have an interesting lunch and dinner menu so Jill and I have a lunch date to see just how dangerous this place may be. I'll be sure to give a full report.

After dinner and chatting I looked around the apartment and thought of all the things I could do: Dust, balance the check book, vacuum...and decided to head around the corner to Starbucks with book in hand. I spent a very peaceful evening reading outside and just enjoying my book. The night was lovely and I was quite relaxed by the time I got home. A little quality time with the cat and then I curled up for a good night's sleep, confident that today would be a Monday.

This Can't Be Monday

I refuse to believe that today is Monday. Too many things have blown up today for it to be a Monday. No, today must be a Tuesday in disguise. I hereby declare that the Tuesday Monster is ahead of schedule, thus today is Tuesday and tomorrow can be Monday. I feel like I've been riding my own little rollercoaster and to be honest, my tummy's upset!

There is a children's book called "Fortunately" by Remy Charlip. I recommend reading it on days like this. For example:

Fortunately, Ned was invited to a surprise party.
Unfortunately, the party was a thousand miles away.
Fortunately, a friend loaned Ned an airplane.
Unfortunately, the motor exploded.

Ned's day makes yours feel a bit better, or perhaps just lets you know that everyone has rollercoaster days. While probably not quite as absurd as mine and Neds, I'm sure you all have had them too.

Here is mine:

My day started at 3 AM with a phone call. Happily nothing was wrong. Unhappily I couldn't fall back to sleep for a bit because my foolish brain wouldn't shut down.

I was happy when the alarm went off. I was dreaming that Dee Snyder of Twisted Sister was my insurance agent. Unfortunately I stepped on the poor cat when I got out of bed.

Once I caught the cat and was reasonably sure she was okay, I found out why the guinea pig was freaking out, his water bottle self destructed during the night. I have no idea what the hell happened there.

Then there was the blueberry-waffle-that-tasted-like-cheese breakfast.

I make it safely to work where my computer screen has developed a decorative line down the right side of the display.

I start to do contracts only to realize that somewhere along the line I double booked a show, happily it was fixable.

Downstairs I go to move some puppet cases around, where I manage to knock over a 300 lb roll of plastic. That made a scary, is-it-going-to-crash-through-the-floor noise. Luckily it missed my foot. Sadly, while I could get it about 5 inches off the ground I am nowhere near strong enough to tip it back up. Happily the guys fixed my little boo-boo.

Lunch time! Why is the sink filled with coffee? And is it okay for me to wash my cup? (we were aging some faux fur earlier apparently). There was a moment where I thought of just dunking my head into the coffee trough, but I thought better of it.

So that is the nibbled to death by ants part of my day. The rest was the fun stress that changing relationships can cause, but I wont go into details because man is it boring! Thanks to Leah who unknowingly put some perspective on my little spinney ride this morning. And love to Monie who had to listen to the whole saga in installments.

And now I shall go home, with the vain hope that nothing has caught on fire and that the spinach and ricotta ravioli I intend to make doesn't taste like a blueberry waffle. Wish me luck!

PS--all the apostrophes disappeared from this entry...that is why it is Tuesday

Things that Should Not Be

When you bite into a blueberry waffle it should not taste like cheese. That's just common sense!

In all Its Forms

Let me say now that the friends I am lucky enough to have around me are amazing and I would do anything for them. I love them with all my heart and I know they love me. We have been through so much together and have earned that trust and love in each other. The bonds that hold us together are stronger because of the experiences we have shared and that makes the ties damn near unbreakable. I know they will be a part of my life until the day I die.

But that said, sometimes you meet special people in your trek through this life. Something about them just speaks to you and there is a connection that is hard to explain. It isn’t lust, but it is a definite attraction, a love at first site that isn’t necessarily the stars-in-your-eyes-forever kind of love. You just know you care about them incredibly, and for no real tangible reason. And that feeling is unconditional because that is what they seem to need from you so desperately. It isn’t spoken, but felt. That lost, empty spot you feel when you look into their eyes. You know you can’t make it better, but you can provide a safe place for them to just be. That no matter what they do you will be there should they need you. I suppose it’s like finding an orphaned animal in a lot of ways. You know you will love them no matter what, and a part of you falls in love.

The hard part is that it hurts so much to do. You open yourself up and take what they give you: The good and the bad, and ask nothing of them. They can and do tell you anything, and somehow it always ends up breaking your heart even though you knew this was the way it would be. You are honored that they feel free and safe with you, but then are crushed by the things they confide in you. And you try hard to swallow it and be supportive, when all you want to do is hide. But for some self destructive reason you can’t give up and you have to see it through. You smile and make jokes, pretend things don’t hurt, pretend you are strong and not dying a little inside.

I’ve always thought those painful moments happened because that person felt they could relate anything without fear of judgment, but today another thought came to me. Maybe it is a test. Maybe they are testing to see if you really do care for them unconditionally, or if you are just giving it lip service. Perhaps they are waiting for you to break, to prove that they were right all along and no one really cares unconditionally, that everyone has an agenda.

I don’t know, and I guess it doesn’t really matter. I just keep taking the punches because it feels like the right thing to do. Like holding up the struggling swimmer while drowning yourself. You just can’t let them go until they can make it on their own and be safe, happy even. It makes you look like a fool, and feel like one too, but still you press on and keep hitting your head against that wall. Why? Because you know if you can help them find whatever it is that is missing, maybe even prove to them that there is love in this world and it is worth the risk of hurt, then you’ve added a little more joy to this world. And when they are gone you feel sad and miss that closeness and instant trust…but at the same time that part of you that is bruised and bloodied is happy it will have time to heal.

And then you look at those people who love you the most. The ones that listened to you endlessly when you had to vent your hurt. And you hope they understand why you let this happen, and how much they mean to you, how appreciated they are. And then you just sleep for a while because you are bone weary, and you dream of arms that will hold you and love you unconditionally, for all the right reasons. Someone who will find you as precious as you find them.

Ah love in all its forms…it frustrates, hurts, heals, excels, consumes and completes. It is our cross to bear and our privilege to carry. And I think that is the best part of our humanity: Our capacity to continue to love.

Silliness

Who would have thought a road trip for ice cream could keep a girl distracted for 2 days?

Maybe it was the threat of having a gallon of ice cream at the ready when I see him next...

A Day at the Zoo

Though I only had 3 hours of sleep under my belt I still enjoyed my birthday at the zoo with Chuck, Julia, Lydia and the little ones very much. We saw mini monkeys, prairie dogs, and even a white alligator!
We got to feed goats, ducks and fish...









...and by the end of the day I think these little guys had the right idea.









Chuck, Julia and the Smooshie arrived at the same time I did so we wandered around the Elmwood Park Zoo for a while before Lydia and the kids got there. Charlotte woke up when we entered the petting zoo, as if to say “I know stinky, and believe me, this place is stinky!” Lydia soon called to say the reinforcements had arrived so we wandered to the front of the park.

I just about cried when Jack and Zoe yelled “Auntie Liz!” Jack is just now getting over hating me…while Ralph was in Afghanistan I would come over and watch the kids so Lydia could train for the NY Marathon. Hence, Auntie Liz=Mommy leaving. But now we all seem to be good friends so I am a happy camper! We made another run at the petting zoo and did a tour of the park culminating in the playground. Zoe is at this great age (5) where she is all about asking questions, and at least at the zoo I can answer most of them! She wanted to know why the alligator was white, why so many prairie dogs live together, and she actually listened to the answer!

When we’d had our fill of all creatures great and small we headed to Friendly’s for lunch which really was the perfect end of the day. It was an amazing birthday weekend…and then I passed out!

Spin

One foot in front of the other
Move forward in fits and starts
I’m dizzy with this ride
Been a long time since I’ve spun

And for fun life pulls the string,
We change direction

And I was the one worried about being able to feel

Oh I felt
It was strong-
Knocked the air from me
Pulled my legs from me
Twisted a smile from me that would not leave

You put out a hand
Stopped the spin
Spoke your mind
Warned me

We carried on
And over each other
Whispered our names
Kissed good night

Then came the fog
Descended as your words sank in
As our deeds sank in

A chorus of 4:
Heart
Mind
Logic
Other


Heart wants to feel, but not to break
Mind wants to be free, throw caution to the
wind
Logic dictates it is acceptable behavior
Other is silent, just a feeling without name

So much for sanity and logic
They took turns dancing across my soul
Tears
Doubt
Confidence


And in the center,
In a small warm place,
Certainty

Bewildered,
I sat and counted you out.
You surfaced.

I pressed on to be me
To do what I normally would
Fought down the doubt
Pushed away guessing your point of view

Or tried to

In the silence
I said god speed
You said hello

And now I have the quiet.

That other voice,
So soft yet insistent,
Is all that remains

I am certain-
Of what I don’t know.
I am happy-
With whatever this is
I am willing-
To spin with you for a bit.

Ice Cream Anyone?

It's almost 5 AM, I so should be asleep right now, but I just can't seem to get my mind to quiet down. Plus I had two cups of coffee around 1 AM. And a road trip for ice cream that turned out to be the best date I have had since...college. Wow.

So my friend from upstate texted me around 8 to tell me he was home from his date to the county fair. Sadly, it wasn't exciting. I called him and managed to taunt him into meeting me in Allentown for ice cream...it's about half way between us. So at 9:30 I hop in the car and head for the Allentown Service Plaza of the turnpike where we decided to meet. I figured the chance of both of us finding Ice Cream World since neither of us knows Allentown was pretty slim.

Happily my gamble that this was the rest stop that serviced both directions of the road worked out, and soon I spotted the jacked up jeep with music blaring. After a very strong hug and a few jokes about throwing food we hopped into my car and bravely set out in search of frozen dairy products. With only one miss-turn we found Ice Cream World right across from Dorney Park. Sadly the toll both lady had told us the park closes at 10, and as it was 10:30 all we could do was listen to the screams coming from across the street.

My partner in crime was hesitant to let me spring for the $3.00 ice cream, but after assuring him I would not expect an ice cream cone's worth of sex in return he got over it. The creamery was next to a bank, so after we were served we headed for higher ground so he could tap MAC. He gave me a hand up the hill (Monie, you'd be proud) while threatening to smoosh his cone on my nose...so I stuck my finger in my ice cream and wiped it on his nose...and ran. We finished our cones and he wondered if there were any clubs nearby, which neither of us had any clue about, but we decided to drive around a bit and see what we found.

We found a diner. Coffee and fries, and I even got to steal the pickle from his burger. Lots of talking about the past, the present and various mechanical things. His brother called wondering where he was. Once the initial confusion over who I was (not the girl from earlier) cleared up they made plans to work on his brother's jeep later--neither of these boys sleep, they work 2nd and 3rd shift. We finished cup #2 and wandered to the car, me thinking I should get him back to his jeep. Nope, he wanted to find a playground.

Don't ask me how, but I found one. I wasn't sure how I was going to find my way back from the Jewish Day School, but to be perfectly honest by this time I didn't care. There was monkey bar climbing and swinging. His brother called again ("Where are you?" "Allentown"). Some star gazing and talking about where we were in life and what we wanted...neither looking for anything serious, just new people to get to know and enjoy. Lots of hugging and back rubbing, with him lamenting the lack of music...and his brother called again. Though it was terribly hard we both managed to finally get back in the car and headed back to the turn pike.

Safely back to the rest stop, I hopped out of the car to check out some fabrication he'd done to his jeep. I have to say, it looked great. Very clean lines. He did discover why his ride was so bumpy...he broke a shock absorber off-roading earlier, but it would be okay to get him home and he had a spare there. The boy has spares for everything, I swear. I was waiting for him to just pop a new shock out of the back of the jeep.

While I was admiring the rear fender he put on some music and we ended up dancing in the parking lot. Hey, there was no one around to comment and I wouldn't have cared if there was. It was a great night, and I got in around 4. On the way home he texted me that he saw a shooting star...just cute. He got home safely and obviously so did I. Now I really need to get some sleep, I'm supposed to be at the zoo in a few hours!

Happy Day!

Dinner last night was wonderful. The company was fantastic and the Smooshie managed to charm just about everyone.


After dinner we wandered across the street for water ice then Bill, Monie and I meandered back to Jill and Dan's where we stayed up talking past Dan's bed time (he was the only one who had to work in the morning).

Once home I curled up for a bit just to enjoy the feeling of being 32 and wonderfully content with my life. Great people, a fun job and nice place to live...who could ask for more?

I didn't ask, but I did receive...a 3:30 AM text with birthday wishes just letting me know someone was thinking about me.

Today’s celebration of my actual birthday has been lovely. Bill and I had a long lunch and caught up on most of life. Monie sweetly sang happy birthday to me from New York. I caught up with Mom and Dad, and even my friend Marsha broke out into song for me! I am feeling pretty loved, let me tell you!

The year in review

Tomorrow I turn 32. It’s been quite a year. Last year at this time I was preparing to have a BBQ to celebrate my birthday, but more importantly to thank all the wonderful people in my life. My husband had moved out, my marriage had ended and thanks to these great friends I hadn’t lost my mind or killed anyone…not that I didn’t want to at times. And not that anyone would have blamed me once everything came to light.

31 was a year of revelations, about the life I thought I wanted and the life I was starting. I started dating again, and oh the adventures that awaited me. Boring Guy, History Boy, Bob, Jersey Boy, Comic Guy, Sick Bastard, Private Detective Guy, Houdini…and others I’ve mercifully forgotten. You taught me I can make small talk and to take even the worst date as learning experience and possible stand up routine. Lew and John…thank you for reminding me I am a vibrant, intelligent and interesting woman with a lot to offer. Brad…you taught me that a bad boyfriend doesn’t mean a bad person…just poor short term memory and etiquette. And of course, PS for caring like you did and teaching me that I’m not going to settle…and that yes, some people just seem destined to cry a lot in this life. But I realized along the way that I don’t have to be attached to someone to be happy. It’s nice to have someone to curl up with, but at the end of the day I like to have my space.

At 30 I was looking for “forever,” at 31 it was “for now” and I think 32 will be “try to keep up.”

More importantly, I know I’m strong and I can take care of myself. And on those rare occasions that I can’t I know there are people who love me enough to help. I am stubborn and independent, compassionate and loving, and I will still trust until I’m given a reason not to. Those are the things that have always been part of me and I am very happy to say did not change in the past year. But now I can use power tools!

So bring on 32! I have a feeling it’s going to be a great year…of course that could just be because I have four gentlemen who want to take me out for my birthday…but I tend to think it has more to do with having dinner tonight with the people I love most in this world.

Yup…it’s going to be a good year.

Consequences

This is what happens when you read Monie's blog:

You catch up on the Monie news
You get soccer stats
You find out your super hero statistics
You create little illustrated versions of yourself!

Any wonder why I love this woman?

But why is the hippo on fire?

Geese

Have you ever just taken a moment and watched geese do their thing? This morning was just too beautiful, so I popped out for a walk before work. There were some geese gathered in a little island of grass in a restaurant parking lot. They'd crossed a major road to get there from the meadow on the other side and I can only imagine what that little procession looked like. Anyhow, there they were, wandering around like this was their world and we just puttered around in it. I can't think of another animal, other than us of course, that seems to have such a glorious sense of entitlement. And as I stood there thinking this and watching them stroll from spot to spot seemingly unconcerned by the world around them I found myself wondering if other animals look at us that way...

Healthy!

I just got my biopsy results and I am a happy, healthy, cancer free camper!

It All Becomes Clear!

I have always said I date so I have stories to tell other people, but to be honest I'm kind of getting tired of it. Now all my hard work may be paying off! The Act II Playhouse in Ambler is presenting the one woman show "Bad Dates" and is calling for dating horror stories to post in their lobby! And the person with the best-worst tale of terror will be given a gift certificate to one of the interesting establishments in Ambler.

Finally I see the grand plan! If anyone is interested in submitting a story click on the link and make those hours of nodding your head and praying for the evening to end work for you!

http://www.act2.org/

Picnic!

Sunday was the annual Monie’s Birthday Picnic…and this year I road her coattails to include my birthday as well. Steve couldn’t make it this year so Monie tended the grill and did a mighty fine job. No hair was lost in the process of lighting the charcoal. The burgers of various meats and vegetables were great and the company was outstanding. Jill and Dan could actually make this one, Greg and Aly brought Julia Rose, Chuck and Julie brought The Smooshie, Riley and Eli brought their adorable puppy whose name I have sadly forgotten and 2 more of Monie’s team mates also joined up for Fun in the Sun.

Highlights:

Julia and Charlotte get their game on:













Monie as usual is action grrl, and by the time I left had sand everywhere you wouldn’t want it:










Even Chuck ran his butt off on the v-ball court:










Looks like a good time was had by all and there were only minor injuries!

Of Concerts and Tears

A bitter sweet Saturday. I caught the Van Morrison concert at the Spectrum with a friend, Van was in great form and the sound was fantastic! We also had excellent seats and the company was good so the whole outing was a blast. Coming out of the venue into the daylight was weird, but it was a 5 PM show so that's just the way it is.

Saturday night however I ended things with someone I'd been seeing for about 2 weeks-the guy from when I was 15. It took 2 1/2 hours! He fought me every step of the way, but the deed was done. Interestingly the conversation started with my righteous indignation about his attitude toward me going out with Monika Friday night. I’m sorry, but if you can’t handle me seeing friends then this is a real issue. Monie however is tickled that I’ve been telling people she broke us up! Of course there was also his arrogance and clinginess…and not having a car and being 32 and living at home.

So when I told him it wasn’t working he started to cry…but we knew this was coming. He offered that there were things he’d like to change about me as well, and we could come to a compromise. Nooo…that wouldn’t work. But he loved me and always had... okay, creepy and not helping. Then he launched into his issues with being alone, a brief dating history and his self confidence issues due to so many women saying, “It’s not you, it’s me.” After quite a few he was beginning to believe it was indeed him…so I explained that sometimes people’s feelings just change…blah blah blah…and perhaps he comes on a bit strong. More tears and now I started to do something I’m not proud of.

I have always tried not to be the stereotypical woman who used tears to her advantage. I’ve tried to always be honest. But we’d been on the phone for an hour and I was getting desperate! So the tears came, mostly because I wanted this to be over, and I started saying things like “I don’t deserve you,” “You can do better,” and finally out of sheer exhaustion I told him I felt like I’d been put on this earth to torment him. To this he ticked off my list of sins since I was 15…again, not helping! He then moved on to asking me if I wasn’t just hurting myself in the long run…okay I was officially done at this point.

After a final sniff fest and silence I told him we should hang up and both get some sleep, or stare at the ceiling, and I hung up. Yes, I did the deed over the phone, but only because if I’d done it in person we would have had to find somewhere to go (since he lives with his parents) and then I would have had to take him home because he doesn’t have a car. I wasn’t up for it and as it turns out I might have killed him.

So it took 2 ½ hours to put this 2 week “relationship” down. Do I have all the fun or what?

Joke for the Day

So Sven and Ole go to the beach, and after a couple hours Sven says, "This ain't no fun. How come the girls aren't friendly to me?" "Well, I tell you, Sven, maybe if you put a potato in your swim trunks that would help." ---So Sven does, but he comes back to Ole later, and he says, "I tried what you told me with the potato, but it doesn't help." "No, Sven --- you're supposed to put the potato in the front."

Candid Camera

If someone isn't following me with a camera they should be. Today started out a bit grumbly, but my friend Troy snapped me out of it pretty quickly (Go Troy!) This afternoon I had a consult for a breast reduction...let the games begin!

I knew it would involve a lot of looking at me naked in a mirror and a purple marker. What fun! But I wasn't expecting the X rated game of Where's Waldo. You see, before you have the joy of being drawn on by the doctor you sit with a nurse, in this case Mary Lynn, who goes over the procedure and possible side effects, and you also look at before and after pictures of people who have had the work done. I have now seen more boobs than I ever thought I would...I think I've become desensitized. Anyhow, one of the pictures was of a rather large man who had a breast reduction and a tummy tuck, so it was a shot from neck to knees. As I looked at the pictured I realized there was something escaping his underwear. I say something because it was impossible to tell whether (to quote there's something about Mary) it was bean, frank or just a weird bit of skin.

You know me, I can't just let this go uncommented so I point to the area in question and ask the nurse about it. My did she turn red fast...and it was all silliness from that point on. We decided it was a testicle that they had been flashing it around for a few months now. Gee, what does it say about me that I'm the only one to notice?

So then the doctor comes in, usually a very straight faced man with a dry sense of humor. Not today! We were still giggling so we told him of our "find". He shook his head and wondered how he ended up in a Seinfeld episode. Through the course of the exam there were stripper jokes, fake boob jokes and questions about my parentage...too funny. Once the exam was over he left and the nurse set me up for some reference photos. So there I am, naked from the waist up, one breast covered in purple marker, and the door starts to open. With cat like reflexes Mary Lynn pounces on the door, but the person on the other side won't give up! Finally fingers snake around the edge of the door with a note between them. Doctor R came dangerously close to loosing some digits there. Happily there was no injury and we locked the door.

Then on my way back to work I see this older man get out of his car, take his shirt off, throw it in the back seat and start walking down the street. Damned if I know what the thought behind that move was.

See? I could so be a reality TV show!

The Tuesday Monster

I have long felt that Tuesdays are worse than Mondays. You expect Mondays to be nutty, maybe even bad, but Tuesday is sneaky. You never expect Tuesday. My day has been fine (knock wood), but the first 3 people I encountered this morning were not having happy mornings.

One has an insane family, one had little sleep due to teenagers partying in his parking lot and the last...well he never really has good days and this isn’t going to be one either I’m afraid.

Which brings me to dating...you know my motto, "I date so I have stories to tell my friends." This last adventure has been more spiritual than most. After fate seemed to bring us back in touch I decided to see this little path out and date someone I'd seen when I was younger. It really did feel like I couldn't deny the signs. I thought the worst that would happen would be that he would decide I wasn't what he wanted and he'd get some closure for his 17 year old wounds. HA HA HA...the universe doesn't work that way I'm discovering.

He isn't a bad person (man I say that a lot), but at 31 I am finding it very taxing to be seeing someone who at 32 lives with his parents, has no car (well, he does but it is a long story and he can't drive it anyway), constantly complains about money (not that he's paid for a dinner yet) and just has a generally poor attitude. Pessimism isn't one of my turn ons, though this does make one funny story.

I guess the weekend was the high point of this comedy. I made dinner and he stayed over. His mom called him in the morning, screaming in Greek because he was out all night. He yelled in Greek back--Is anyone else getting "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" flashbacks? So I took him home at high velocity, all the while practicing what I'd say when the officer pulled me over. "Yes, I know I was speeding but I have to get my friend home because he missed curfew and his mom is really pissed." Sigh. Then, as we got within a few blocks of his house, he had me drop him off because it would make the situation worse if he was seen with me. I felt all warm and fuzzy, let me tell you.

So add that to another conversation about how much he wants kids vs. how much I'm not having them, and we have end game. Julia says some people were just meant to cry repeatedly. Dan says I should hide the diet Pepsi.

Stay tuned!